3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
