Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
