birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
