and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
a search helicopter?!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
