Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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