Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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