omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
