allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
