so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
