dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
