yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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