Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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