it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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