I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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