none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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