I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
