Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The uberlube is also flammable
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Randomize
