You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
