I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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