I got chris browned last night
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
