I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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