He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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