are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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