Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
