i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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