i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
