sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
