needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We just shotgunned beers for America
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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