Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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