did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
