Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
