im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
