My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
