Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
