I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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