Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
