I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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