Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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