I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
