somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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