I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
