bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
