I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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