she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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