Sponge bath it is.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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