I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
