I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
