What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
apparently the secret to your success is patron
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
