halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
