just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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