PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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